Six Places You Can Agree Together

When Shelaine and I were first married earning entry-level wages, we sat down and made up a budget for spending, saving, and giving.  One general rule we agreed on was to consult each other regarding purchases over fifty dollars!  Today that limit is higher, but the principle is the same—we ought not purchase big ticket items without the other in the know.

Finances are but one area we negotiate with people close to us.  To learn of more I asked thirty-three students to write down everyday decisions they had come to with family, friends, and roommates. Interestingly, several said “We don’t really agree—we just let things happen.” Perhaps this is a millennial thing, but wisdom says it’s better to put expectations on the table to avoid trouble.

The little study ended up producing scores of agreements which fell into six categories:

1. Agreements about practical living, for example who washes dishes, cleans house, pays bills, and maintains the lawn.  When I loaned a beater car to my son for summer use, I failed to negotiate who would change the oil. He thought I would; I thought he would. Captain Crunch now owns that car!
2. Agreements about money, as in who manages the budget, the percent to save, the tithe to give, where you invest, and the value of gifts you expect.
3. Agreements about communication and relational health, such as being open, addressing conflict, supporting one another, and sexual expectations.  For example, people raised in “open and touchy” families may need to listen well to understand the expectations of others raised in “guarded and distant” homes.
4. Agreements about involvement with extended family and other friends, such as visiting in-laws, going out, recreating, and handling difficult people. In the first dozen years of our marriage we drove to Manitoba and Minnesota nearly every summer on “FOTs”—family obligation trips. In the second dozen we decided to explore British Columbia and the I-5 corridor.
5. Agreements about spiritual commitments, such as praying together, attending church, and ministering to others.  We gain much satisfaction entertaining guests in our home so decide our social calendar together then commit to cleaning house, preparing food, and spending quality time with friends and care group members.  
6. Agreements about the future, for example job and career plans, having kids, vacationing, and going back to school.

While agreeing together seems a simple thing, it’s likely the number one way we show mutuality and partnership. Through mutuality we show respect of each others' opinions and wishes, and in partnership we show sweet dependence on one another.

These covenantal themes remind us that we travel together, knitting our quality of life through little choices along the way.

© 2016